Kanmigwit is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, dishonourable zebra.

Kanmigwit created a top quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kanmigwit, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Kanmigwit, she will turn you into a mole.

Kanmigwit's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Kanmigwit's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands brown.

2. Always look after injured swans.

3. You must pray to Kanmigwit four times a day.

4. Never wear pink scarves.

5. Always make sure there are no pigs in a building before entering it.