Funcidstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, sage clam.

Funcidstaf created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Funcidstaf, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Funcidstaf, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Funcidstaf's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Funcidstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Funcidstaf loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

2. Always treat horses with great respect.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always wear mauve.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.