Jipcid is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, cheerful lobster.

Jipcid created a photon eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jipcid, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Jipcid, he will send minions to preach to you.

Jipcid's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Jipcid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never write about cell theory.

4. You must never eat wheat.

5. Never talk about comets.