Kabnarltif is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, charitable weasel.

Kabnarltif created dark matter five million years ago.

If you believe in Kabnarltif, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kabnarltif, it will turn you into a hamster.

Kabnarltif's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Kabnarltif's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Kabnarltif on top of all buildings.

5. Never sit in holy places.