Witnarlzen is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, calm owl.

Witnarlzen created the planet Mars five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witnarlzen, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Witnarlzen, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Witnarlzen's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Witnarlzen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Witnarlzen.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Feed all hungry tapirs.

5. Never feed parsnips to turtles while wearing red shoes.