Gemabkinzed is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, generous newt.

Gemabkinzed created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemabkinzed, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Gemabkinzed, he will make you grow a tail.

Gemabkinzed's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Gemabkinzed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not dye your hair violet.