Ratmonvon is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, weak pigeon.

Ratmonvon created the Sombrero Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ratmonvon, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ratmonvon, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Ratmonvon's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Ratmonvon's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five whales approach from the north.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Ratmonvon.

4. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Ratmonvon on top of all buildings.

5. Never write about moons.