Yartfatfad is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, happy spider.

Yartfatfad created the solar system seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yartfatfad, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Yartfatfad, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yartfatfad's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Yartfatfad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. You must love Yartfatfad.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Run away from violet tortoises, for they are unholy.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Yartfatfad.