Cumkapnull is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unthoughtful naga.

Cumkapnull created snails eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumkapnull, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cumkapnull, he will turn you into a tree.

Cumkapnull's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Cumkapnull's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not wear brown clothing.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Cumkapnull on top of all buildings.