Beg is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, emotional octopus.

Beg created tapeworms two billion years ago.

If you believe in Beg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Beg, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Beg's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Beg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help whales in need.

2. Do not shave your head.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never write about gravity.

5. Never write about cell theory.