Dutbedbif is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, selfish tapir.

Dutbedbif created dark matter six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutbedbif, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Dutbedbif, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dutbedbif's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Dutbedbif's Holy Commandments

1. Put Dutbedbif first in all things.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Never skip in the presence of mice.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not chop down trees.