Flabkaparn is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, tiresome wyrm.

Flabkaparn created time and space eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flabkaparn, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flabkaparn, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Flabkaparn's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Flabkaparn's Holy Commandments

1. Rats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never think ill of sick great tits.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Flabkaparn on top of all buildings.

4. Do not wear blue clothing.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.