Rigmissuggam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, clever badger.

Rigmissuggam created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rigmissuggam, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Rigmissuggam, he will make you grow a tail.

Rigmissuggam's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Rigmissuggam's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured ants.

2. Always treat swans with great respect.

3. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

4. Retreat if five birds approach from the north.

5. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.