Witfarjat is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, cheerful squid.

Witfarjat created matter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Witfarjat, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Witfarjat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Witfarjat's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Witfarjat's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from black capybaras for they are unholy.

2. Never feed gooseberries to badgers while wearing purple jumpers.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate snails.

5. Fast once a month.