Omintinwapxembud is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, blissful narwhal.

Omintinwapxembud created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Omintinwapxembud, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Omintinwapxembud, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Omintinwapxembud's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Omintinwapxembud's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Run away if eight snails approach from the north.

3. Always help capybaras in need.

4. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.

5. Never talk about tortoises.