Metboncun is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, prudent turtle.

Metboncun created humankind five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Metboncun, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Metboncun, he will think nothing of it.

Metboncun's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Metboncun's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Metboncun four times a day.

2. Metboncun must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never feed cherries to snails while wearing indigo shorts.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.