Quartwangod is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, smart yak.

Quartwangod created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartwangod, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Quartwangod, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Quartwangod's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Quartwangod's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured moths.

2. Never sing near voles.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Feed all hungry cats.

5. Do not listen to music.