Bitvedfab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, competent salamander.

Bitvedfab created a strange quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Bitvedfab, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bitvedfab, he will boil you in a big pot.

Bitvedfab's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Bitvedfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never feed carrots to mice while wearing gray skirts.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Hide if nine moths approach from the east.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.