Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, temperamental cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof created the Cigar Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof, it will come to you in dreams.

Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.

2. Never talk about black holes.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Kontunlan Futsagdut Bissboggof loves eagles, so they must be honoured.