Jabgemhit is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, compassionate shark.

Jabgemhit created the universe five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabgemhit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jabgemhit, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Jabgemhit's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Jabgemhit's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Put Jabgemhit first in all things.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Never think about cell theory.