Quatbestquim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, charitable turtle.

Quatbestquim created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatbestquim, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quatbestquim, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Quatbestquim's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Quatbestquim's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always treat gulls with great respect.

4. Do not dye your hair gray.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.