Yarllambin is a god.

He takes the form of a small, impressive tortoise.

Yarllambin created the planet Venus eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarllambin, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yarllambin, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Yarllambin's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Yarllambin's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt turtles.

2. Always look after injured gulls.

3. Never talk about ducks.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yarllambin.