Jadvinlipsaw is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-confident manatee.

Jadvinlipsaw created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jadvinlipsaw, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jadvinlipsaw, he will turn you into a rock.

Jadvinlipsaw's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Jadvinlipsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.

2. Always help sick ants.

3. Always obey Jadvinlipsaw's priests.

4. Jadvinlipsaw loves aardvarks, so they must be respected.

5. Never eat parsnips.