Fitcepquim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, calm hamster.

Fitcepquim created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fitcepquim, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fitcepquim, he will be very unhappy.

Fitcepquim's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Fitcepquim's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never think about comets.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not drink water in yellow rooms.