Gigjamxem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, loving hedgehog.

Gigjamxem created the Cigar Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigjamxem, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Gigjamxem, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gigjamxem's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Gigjamxem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in pink rooms.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Otters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.