Japcibtif is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, conceited yak.

Japcibtif created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Japcibtif, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Japcibtif, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Japcibtif's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Japcibtif's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never think about planets.

5. Never sit in the presence of goats.