Vonhakjen is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, boastful crab.

Vonhakjen created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonhakjen, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Vonhakjen, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vonhakjen's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Vonhakjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Always look after injured swans.