Vonk is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, blissful zebra.

Vonk created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonk, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Vonk, he will destroy your favourite star.

Vonk's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Vonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Vonk's name in vain.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. Always look after injured eagles.

5. Never feed figs to sharks while wearing pink rings.