Tifxucflagbop is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, kind human.

Tifxucflagbop created a photon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifxucflagbop, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Tifxucflagbop, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Tifxucflagbop's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Tifxucflagbop's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention monkeys.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always help sick voles.

5. Always help seals.