Vontindim is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, generous squid.

Vontindim created the solar system four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vontindim, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vontindim, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Vontindim's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Vontindim's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Vontindim.

2. Never feed tomatoes to dogs while wearing cyan trousers.

3. Do not eat peanuts.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.