Gatjabman is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, benevolent penguin.

Gatjabman created matter eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gatjabman, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gatjabman, he will turn you into a mole.

Gatjabman's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Gatjabman's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Gatjabman.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Hide from pink foxes for they are unholy.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Always wear violet.