Lagfotquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, weak walrus.

Lagfotquaf created the Andromeda Galaxy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagfotquaf, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lagfotquaf, he will jump up and down on your head.

Lagfotquaf's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Lagfotquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce near tortoises.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Run away if seven squirrels approach from the south.

4. Lagfotquaf loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

5. Never hurt dogs.