Cumcabstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, temperamental turtle.

Cumcabstaf created an electron six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumcabstaf, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cumcabstaf, she will turn you into a dog.

Cumcabstaf's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Cumcabstaf's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Cumcabstaf three times a day.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.