Cumfosstaf is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, merciless salamander.

Cumfosstaf created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumfosstaf, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cumfosstaf, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Cumfosstaf's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Cumfosstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Run away if eight horses approach from the north.

3. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.