Goncenpog Tuncubpin is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, prudent crab.

Goncenpog Tuncubpin created a quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Goncenpog Tuncubpin, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Goncenpog Tuncubpin, she will laugh at you.

Goncenpog Tuncubpin's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Goncenpog Tuncubpin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never bounce in the presence of dolphins.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Run away if three ants approach from the east.

5. Goncenpog Tuncubpin must be the most important thing in your life.