Dudtonbam is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ruthless bear.

Dudtonbam created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dudtonbam, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dudtonbam, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Dudtonbam's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Dudtonbam's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.