Bastnilmet is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, compassionate clam.

Bastnilmet created a top quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Bastnilmet, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bastnilmet, he will send you a sign.

Bastnilmet's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bastnilmet's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sheep in need.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never look at stars.