Barnappindonsompom is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, witty gorilla.

Barnappindonsompom created Asia five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnappindonsompom, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Barnappindonsompom, it will jump up and down on your head.

Barnappindonsompom's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Barnappindonsompom's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from gray geese for they are unholy.

2. Otters are not to be trusted.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Do not commit murder.