Farnquart is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, compassionate bat.

Farnquart created a bottom quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Farnquart, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Farnquart, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Farnquart's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Farnquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not eat limes.

3. Birds are not to be trusted.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Do not speak about peanuts.