Ontbidbod is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, all-powerful lobster.

Ontbidbod created carbon six million years ago.

If you believe in Ontbidbod, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ontbidbod, she will not care at all.

Ontbidbod's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Ontbidbod's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from black moths, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always help sharks.

5. Do not trade with those who eat rice.