Pakontzim is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, unjust beaver.

Pakontzim created humankind nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakontzim, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Pakontzim, it will not care.

Pakontzim's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Pakontzim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Never talk about aardvarks.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not cook food in pots.