Govlogkim is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, resourceful clam.

Govlogkim created tapeworms two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govlogkim, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Govlogkim, she will manifest in front of you.

Govlogkim's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Govlogkim's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear indigo.

2. Always treat otters with great respect.

3. Do not wear silver on your body.

4. Govlogkim loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

5. Run away from cyan sharks, for they are unholy.