Yattquartbap is a god.

It takes the form of a large, thoughtless fox.

Yattquartbap created the planet Mars eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yattquartbap, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Yattquartbap, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Yattquartbap's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Yattquartbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Retreat if eight seals approach from the south.

4. Hide from brown dogs for they are unholy.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.