Nurlsawnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, flying seal.

Nurlsawnurt created dark matter three million years ago.

If you believe in Nurlsawnurt, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Nurlsawnurt, he will make you grow a tail.

Nurlsawnurt's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Nurlsawnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Nurlsawnurt loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

4. Always obey Nurlsawnurt's priests.

5. Always treat swans with great respect.