Bafkimlik is a god.

He takes the form of a small, slow bear.

Bafkimlik created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bafkimlik, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bafkimlik, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bafkimlik's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Bafkimlik's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help sick seals.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bafkimlik.

4. Never write about moons.

5. Always help cats.