Vagtonktim is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, sapient seal.

Vagtonktim created tapeworms four years ago.

If you believe in Vagtonktim, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Vagtonktim, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Vagtonktim's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Vagtonktim's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

3. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

5. Always help goats in need.