Satpanbog is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, witless goat.

Satpanbog created dark energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satpanbog, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Satpanbog, it will turn you into a frog.

Satpanbog's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Satpanbog's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always help badgers in need.

3. Do not dye your hair yellow.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

5. Do not cook food in pots.