Lopafham is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, flying goose.

Lopafham created matter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lopafham, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lopafham, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lopafham's most sacred site is Sarti in Greece.

Lopafham's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Hide from green squirrels for they are unholy.

3. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not drink water in violet rooms.