Queegjippakdotvidstikzen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, egotistical whale.

Queegjippakdotvidstikzen created the Cigar Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegjippakdotvidstikzen, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Queegjippakdotvidstikzen, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Queegjippakdotvidstikzen's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Queegjippakdotvidstikzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always make sure there are no snakes in a room before entering it.

3. You must never eat lentils.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Always wear magenta.