Vonquimbess is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, merciless bird.

Vonquimbess created snails four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonquimbess, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonquimbess, she will think nothing of it.

Vonquimbess' most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Vonquimbess' Holy Commandments

1. Vonquimbess loves foxes, so they must be respected.

2. You must love Vonquimbess.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Erect five aluminium sculptures of Vonquimbess on top of important buildings.

5. Do not make images of living things.